To our sweet angel baby, Mommy and Daddy know you watch over us from the sky but we dedicate this blog to you – our healing journey, and a way to carry you with us forever.
When 2023 began just a few short weeks ago, it was our resolution to start living again. After 4 years of battling infertility, we were finally going to win the war and stop living in limbo. We were finally getting excited for Eloise to arrive, planning a sprinkle, getting things ready in our new house for her to come home and complete our most perfect little family.
Then our entire world came crashing down around us… in just one single sentence.
How does one go on? How does one keep living? Living is hard but it is times like this, one must sit down, reflect, and reevaluate life. What it is, what it means, how we’re going to do it going forward.
Eloise was born silent into this world but her little life spoke volumes. In her short seven months with us on this Earth, she taught us so many lessons and changed life as we know it forever.
So what are some of those lessons…
Sacrifice. There are so many people who’ve sacrificed to help us in these last 9 months because being pregnant with hyperemesis is a sacrifice in and of itself. A pregnancy with hyperemesis means weightloss, dehydration, nausea beyond what any of you can probably imagine, and knowing you’re in for the fight of your life and your little babies. She sacrificed herbody so Eloise could live. Over the last 7 months Laura has lived as a human pin cushion, receiving countless sticks for treatments to keep both her and Eloise going. I sat by, helping where I could, keeping the house as in order as we can with a toddler tunning around and trying to make Laura feel as good as she could.
In all that Adam has had to watch us both go through it, knowing there was really nothing he could do to change it or make it easier to endure. Our parents spent countless hours helping us keep our household going and helping take care of our toddler, Vivienne. So much energy and time to help us sacrificed. And Why? Well that answer is simple… Love.
We’ve said so many times over this last week… She only knew love. Eloise only knew love. It’s a lesson I’m sure our little angel has taught everyone here.
A few weeks ago I was reading Vivienne a bedtime story. Dr. Seuss’s “Horton Hears A Who” and perhaps you’re familiar with it but if you’re not the premise being “A person is a person no matter how small.
Eloise Estelle was so so small but if love alone could have saved her, that tiny heart would have beaten forever. She touched the lives of so many, we know that not everyone she’s impacted is able to be here but whether you’re on the live stream or sitting in these church pews, love is the reason you all are here today.Love for our precious peanut, love for us, and our family.
Eloise Estelle has brought together this room full of so much love, she’s forever our little Golden Girl –daddy’s favorite TV show. She’ll be watching over all of us, helping guide us through this thing called life,with love.
There are so many more things that Eloise has taught us but we’re only going to mention just one more. Though it could be the most impactful lesson for all of us.
In this crazy chaotic world we live, it is easy to miss many moments throughout a day, week, month, and the whole year. When you sit down and reflect on and reevaluate your life, you realize how much time you’ve spent living in the present. Which is the only way you actually LIVE.
We don’t realize how much time we spend living in the past and in the future. Either stuck on something that happened, unable to move past it. Or oppositely, constantly planning for the future – forgetting that as each day passes us by that one of those days was something we once longed for and missing the moment entirely.
In reflecting this last week on our life together, individually, and with our family we’ve come to realize that we’ve been guilty of not living in the present.
My job is very demanding as most here know. I put in a lot of hours and sometimes at the end of the day it’s hard to be present with family because my job, and my phone doesn’t just stop. This week – it has. The week has put some things into perspective. Laura, well she says she’s guilty of constantly planning for the next thing, often forgetting that the thing that’s happening is the thing not that long ago is something she wanted too. Remembering to live in the present in this world isn’t easy, the day to day gets the best of us, no one is perfect. I’m sure everyone here can think of at least one way they’re not living in the moment, but it really struck the two of us in the time we got to spend with Eloise after her birth.
The time after Eloise’s birth is time we can NEVER get back. Precious moments we can NEVER get back. Getting to hold our tiny angel and being present with her in the short time we had are memories we will cherish until the end of time. We’re grateful for every moment we’ve gotten with her, and know she continues to be with us, even though we cannot see her.
We chose to live this journey on a very public platform, sharing our journey and battle with infertility live online. It has not always been easy but it’s part of Eloise’s legacy. We chose to live her life out loud, speak up, have presence and hopefully an impact.LIVING is hard, going on with our lives will be hard, but in the days ahead as time dulls the pain we’re going to learn to live our lives out loud again, for Eloise – because she never got the chance.
We want to challenge everyone here, and on the live stream to live our Eloise’s legacy as well – live your life out loud. Be present in your lives and those of your family. Live with love, patience, hope and faith in what’s to come for our little Angel in heaven, Eloise Estelle. Perfection.
So until we meet again baby girl – we love you, until the end of time, we love you.
Remembering Eloise Estelle 